Parenting and Prevention
By Katrina Stallings
Trust Based Relational Intervention, (TBRI), is a trauma-informed, attachment-based parenting model used to work with children from “hard places.” By hard places, this could mean a history of abuse or neglect, domestic violence exposure, growing up in an orphanage, being substance-exposed during pregnancy, or living in a drug-infested environment. Due to the histories of traumatized children, they cannot be parented in the traditional sense as it can further trigger their trauma. This model was developed by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross and is an evidence-based practice with many years of research to back up the success of the program.
TBRI practitioners can train, support, and coach anyone who touches the lives of children from hard places. TBRI uses three principles to assist the caregiver to work the child toward healing. These are the Connecting Principles, Empowering Principles, and Correcting Principles. This could be in a relative home, foster care, adoptive home, group home, schools, residential facilities, and in a traditional home that has just uncovered early trauma.
As a Chosen Families, post-adoption Parenting Educator and TBRI Practitioner, one thing we do is visit parents and children in their homes who are currently experiencing a crisis related to trauma behaviors from their adoptive children and are seeking help. Many parents do not realize these behaviors stem from past trauma, and it is our job to work together to peel back the onion to get to the root of behaviors. We go into the homes on a weekly basis and provide technical guidance around this trauma-informed model. This requires forgetting about “old school” parenting and more about “out of the box” parenting that will assist in the child’s healing process.
First, it is very important to ensure your child stays hydrated throughout the day, has snacks every two hours to keep blood sugar regulated, and sleeps on a regular cycle. This is imperative and the lack of any of these can create dysregulated emotions. Parents should stay calm and emotionally regulated while using a soft tone of voice and getting down on a child’s level to make eye contact. This helps your child know that you see them and are showing an interest in the child’s underlying needs. Yelling and standing over the child can cause them to be fearful and trigger the “flight, fight, freeze” reaction. Stay close to your child and use affection and connection during these interactions. This can have a positive impact on avoiding meltdowns or temper tantrums in the future. Note: These techniques can be done with any child, not only with a child from trauma. We want every child to feel safe and heard.
Correcting or disciplining a child is not meant to be punitive. The term “discipline” means to teach, not use coercive methods such as yelling or corporal punishment. This further causes fear in the child who will act out when they are afraid. One of the concepts that is used in TBRI is to allow children to re-do their behavior. For instance, if a child was demanding or has a sassy tone, the caregiver can say “can you try asking with respect?” If the child can successfully do this, his brain builds muscle memory toward a more positive response and the child can feel successful. The caregiver should then praise the child for the appropriate behavior. Giving choices and compromises to your child can also build attachment and shows the child that they have a voice.
This is a parenting model that is therapeutic in nature and has helped thousands of children and families across the world, especially in adoption. In closing, I will quote Dr. Purvis “Connection before Correction. A child does not respond to corrections if they do not trust or are connected to the caregiver. Connection is the heart of TBRI.”