The Power of Presence
Reconnecting Families in the Digital Age
By Jackie Hester, MA
When my son was about three years old and wanted my undivided attention, he would place both hands on my face and gently turn my head until I was looking directly into his big blue eyes. His message was unmistakable: he did not simply want me to hear him; he needed me to see him. More importantly, he needed my full presence that assured him he mattered.
Joy Moore, author of The Power of Presence, describes parental presence as an invisible connection— it is a parent’s voice that a child hears even when they are not with them. This deep connection that parents provide is a lasting reminder that attention is more than a momentary act.
Twenty-seven years since my son was a toddler, I am more convinced than ever that the presence of connectedness is the most important factor in developing secure and healthy long-term parent/child relationships. Unfortunately, today we are facing a growing crisis of connection. The rapid expansion of digital devices has created homes in which family members are often more connected to their screens than to one another. Video games, smartphones, and emerging technologies have become a replacement for quality time. Activities like family meals, board games, outdoor time, and bedtime talks are secondary to screens and devices.
Smartphones have become the growing norm in homes, with parents providing them at earlier ages to children. According to Common Sense Media, as cited by the Child Mind Institute, 42 percent of children have a phone by age 10. By age 12, that figure rises to 71 percent, and by age 14, it reaches 91 percent.
The reliance on digital devices for entertainment, coping with daily life, dealing with boredom, and the built-in babysitter, has created a growing distance in the relationship between parents and children. As 2025 Psychology Today observed, parents may also turn to technology to cope with stress. Yet children may experience that divided attention as rejection, creating tension and reinforcing a cycle of disconnection.
When I ask parents about quality family time, I have heard it described as being in the same room together, while each member is on separate devices, and there is no interaction between them. Family members may occupy the same space, but they are psychologically elsewhere. Over time, physical proximity becomes mistaken for connection even when meaningful attention is absent. At some point, most of us have witnessed a family sitting in a restaurant together having a meal while each member is fixed on their own electronic device. There is even a term given when parents ignore or pay lesser amount of attention to children while on their smartphones. That term is “Phubbing,” coined by researchers Alexandra Cobzeanu and Gabriela-Elena Adafini. Their research explains that children may feel unimportant or neglected and that this pattern can contribute to alienation, rejection, reduced emotional well-being, anxiety, and depression.
I recommend that parents think about the idea that we live life forward and learn about life backwards. Hoping that parents will reflect on their past choices and learn to do better. Only later do we recognize which moments build connection, and which ones quietly erode it. The goal is not guilt. It is awareness before time makes the lesson painfully clear. A parent who repeatedly disconnects from their child communicates a pattern of indifference. In the child’s mind, the question may be simple: Am I important enough for you to stop and look at me?
How do families restore connection? I heard Erin Loechner, author of Opt-Out Family, speak about building communities of like-minded parents who are supporting one another as they choose to opt out of technology-focused homes. I would encourage parents to support technology-free schools where there is opportunity for in-person socialization. I would support Johnathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, who suggests a transition back to a play-based childhood from what has become a phone-based childhood.
Restoring connection begins with intention. It also means parents modeling the same digital discipline parents expect from their children. It means saying “no” to a nine-year-old who asks for a smartphone, even when her entire class is getting one. It means working harder to open the lines of communication with a withdrawn teenager. It means putting down your phone to really listen to what your child is saying. How we show up as parents matters. Are we attuned? Are we available? Are we present?
My son once used both hands to turn my face toward him. In a world filled with screens, children are still asking us to do the same thing—to turn toward them, to see them, and to show through our presence that they matter.