Director’s Corner
The Heart of the Tradition
By Katie Becker
In my family, the start of the holiday season has always been marked by the moment the Christmas tree goes up. As a child, that meant bundling up and heading to the tree lot, where my parents would debate over how big of a tree we needed; my brother and dad usually advocating for “how big can we get?” After we brought it home on the roof of the van, I remember standing by, offering absolutely no useful help, while they wrestled the tree through the front door, brushing past walls and getting pricked by needles. Sap on everything.
Eventually, my dad would get it upright in the living room and string the lights, and that evening we’d light the wood-burning fireplace, a staple of 1990s Pennsylvania winters, and my mom would set a picnic on the coffee table. We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows over the open fire while hanging ornaments, carefully unwrapping each one to share the story attached to it. Usually, John Denver and the Muppets played in the background, their voices stitched into my memory of Christmas as much as the scent of pine.
Those moments were the holidays to me: being together, making memories, cherishing the old while creating the new. And like most things in childhood, it all felt wonderfully effortless.
As an adult, it’s funny how determined we become to carry those same traditions forward, even as our lives change shape. In my early twenties, living in San Francisco, I clung to the magic of the tree with everything in me. I found a tiny pine at a lot, dragged it down the street, hauled it up three flights of stairs to my walk-up apartment, and proudly placed it in the corner of our living room. With one strand of lights, some magazine clippings, and artwork from friends, it became my own version of home for the holidays.
That Christmas Eve, I hosted what I believed was my first real grown-up dinner party. Twenty of my closest friends, and their friends, and their friends, piled into that small apartment. It was chaotic, warm, loud, and full of people who were becoming my chosen family. Another chapter in my collection of evolving holiday traditions.
Today, the tradition still lives on, but it looks different, as traditions tend to do. My family no longer visits a tree lot, we put up a fake tree instead, much to my wife’s ongoing disappointment. We have a fireplace in the living room, but it’s electric, a little boxed-in glow that we turn on purely for the Christmas aesthetic. There are no needles on the carpet and no real fire crackling in the background, but we still pause when we hang each ornament. We still tell the stories behind them. We still hold onto the memories that shaped us.
And that, I’ve learned, is what tradition really is: not the exact rituals or the tree or the fire, but the intention. The togetherness. The echo of what made us feel loved and connected in the first place.
Traditions evolve, grow, shrink, and stretch to fit whatever life looks like in that moment, but the heart of them, the memories, the meaning, the feeling of home, that part stays.
Nowadays, many children experience blended traditions from different sides of their family, or from the beautiful mix created when they join their family through adoption. It’s not really about what you do, it’s about how those moments make you feel.
And for so many families, especially those built through adoption or strengthened by the love of close friends, creating those traditions is an act of hope. At Parenting Matters, our Chosen Family Program helps parents build that sense of connection and belonging from the very beginning.
Katie Becker joined Parenting Matters as the Executive Director in May of 2022 after being a long-time supporter and board member. She holds a bachelor’s degree from Ithaca College, and has spent her career in the nonprofit sector, including the YMCA and United Way Suncoast. She has enjoyed honing her skills in fundraising, marketing, and strategic leadership to advance missions close to her heart. She was born and raised in Pennsylvania and has been a Florida resident for fifteen years. In her free time, Katie enjoys spending time with her family and pets, making art, and being active outdoors.