Director’s Corner
Raising and Supporting LGBTQ+ Youth: A Letter to My 4-Year-Old Self
By: Katie Becker, Executive Director
Dear Katie,
You’re just 4 years old, life feels simple and safe, but even at this early point in your life, you recognize that something in you is a little different from the other kids. Try as you might, you can’t bring yourself to enjoy the fancy dresses your mom brings home from the department store. Often times you’re left out of games, not seeming to fit in with the girls and excluded from the boys. So, you find yourself immersed in artwork and Legos, building a world within your imagination and pouring into the creativity that will ground you and bring you joy throughout your life. There are things about yourself that you don’t yet understand, but as you blow out your birthday candles, wearing the army fatigues you begged for, I’m writing to you from the future, as the proud gay adult you’ll become, to tell you that everything will be okay.
Creating Safe and Affirming Homes
Home should be a haven where children can be themselves, play freely, and express their interests without fear. For me, home was a place where I could explore my interests and be who I was, even before I fully understood my identity.
Safety isn’t just about physical well-being; it’s about emotional and psychological security. Parents, as challenging as it may be at times, create a home environment where your children feel accepted and safe. Allow them to express themselves in ways that make them comfortable, whether that’s through their choice of toys, clothes, or activities.
Learning Together
Nobody has all the answers, and that’s okay. My parents learned alongside me, seeking out information and talking to others to better understand my needs and support my journey. Their willingness to learn showed me how much they cared.
Education is a powerful tool in the fight against discrimination and ignorance. Parents, it’s important to educate yourselves about your child’s experiences and needs. Read books, attend workshops, and connect with other parents who are going through similar journeys. The more you know, the better you can support your child.
Talking About Feelings
Growing up, there were times I felt scared or confused. My parents were always there to listen and help me make sense of my feelings and connected me with mental health support when I was really struggling. Knowing I could talk to them about anything made a huge difference.
LGBTQ+ youth are at a higher risk for mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation, often due to the stigma and discrimination they face. Parents, ensure that your children feel comfortable talking to you about their feelings. Listen without judgment and offer support and understanding. Even if you don’t have all the answers, your presence and willingness to listen will help create a foundation of well-being that allows them to flourish despite the obstacles they may encounter.
Celebrating Every Aspect of Your Child
As I grew, I realized that my identity was just one part of who I am. My parents celebrated my quirkiness, creativity, kindness, and humor.
Parents, it’s crucial to show your children that you love them just as they are – in all their uniqueness. Through hugs, kind words, and quality time, you can help them feel secure and cherished, no matter what. Celebrate all the wonderful things about your kids.
The Power of Representation
Growing up, I didn’t have many role models who reflected my identity. The absence of openly gay figures in my life made it difficult to envision a future where I could thrive as my authentic self. Today, I strive to be the representation I lacked, showing our youth that they can achieve greatness without compromising who they are.
Representation matters—it tells our youth that they are seen, valued, and capable of reaching their dreams.
As I grew older, I realized how lucky I was to have parents that loved and accepted me from a young age, and how important it was to be given the freedom to discover who I am.
Now, I’m privileged to lead an organization that helps other parents support their kids, in so many aspects of their development.
To all the parents out there: You are your child’s biggest supporter. Love them, learn with them, and celebrate them. Our nonprofit is here to help you every step of the way. Together, we can make sure every child grows up feeling proud and confident.
Katie Becker joined Parenting Matters as the Executive Director in May of 2022 after being a long-time supporter and board member. She holds a bachelor’s degree from Ithaca College, and has spent her career in the nonprofit sector, including the YMCA and United Way Suncoast. She has enjoyed honing her skills in fundraising, marketing, and strategic leadership to advance missions close to her heart. She was born and raised in Pennsylvania and has been a Florida resident for fifteen years. In her free time, Katie enjoys spending time with her family and pets, making art, and being active outdoors.