Bedtime always seems to be a stressful time, even when I try to make it calming for my 3 young children. I know that the last few minutes before they go to sleep are some of the most impactful moments of their day, and I truly want to make it a more positive experience for them. With all the whining about not wanting to go to bed, trying to get them to listen to me about brushing teeth, trying to balance giving them each attention, it is far from peaceful. I find myself losing patience more often than not. I struggle with giving each kid the proper amount of one-on-one time (talking about their day, reading with them, and making sure that they feel loved) all while still going to bed at a set time. Do you have any tips for a successful and peaceful bedtime routine?

 

You already named the perfect “tip” in the question you ask: ROUTINE.  It sounds like you have attitude and thinking for success: you have the right attitude about making sure that it is a calm, loving, memorable time and about giving each child a good send-off into dreamland. That you recognize that this is a good regular opportunity for bonding is important. It sets the stage for what you are seeking. Good for you. The rest requires focus and a little patience.  You have already done the hard work of recognizing that a change in routine or the establishment of a routine is needed.

Here are some factors to consider when you set up your routines: How much time do you have for bedtime preparation? What ages are your children and are their bedtimes all the same?  One-on-one time, while ideal, just may not be possible if the kids are close in age and have the same bedtimes. In that case, that special time might be best fit into another part of the day. If your kids’ bedtimes are different, you might be able to schedule a few minutes alone with each.

But first off, start with a planned routine for getting ready for bed itself.

Save the thing they want most (Storytime, game, songs, etc.) for after all the prep work is done.  “As soon as you are clean, smelling wonderful with sparkly teeth, we can read two books of your choice!”  If there is poking about, reminders like “Hurry with those teeth, we are making good time and might be able to read three books (play two games, etc.)  tonight!”

If you can manage one-on-one with each child, that is great, but most families cannot. Don’t let that discourage you. You can still have quiet time together where each child gets to tell one thing that happened at school today, (that can also be a good round-robin dinner table activity). Reading all together can be fun, and each child can pick a book.

Try for three out of four successful, stay on-time nights. Don’t be hard on yourself for the nights that end off- routine.  You (and your routine) are not the only factors and you can’t control everything all the time. Strive for progress. Kids like routines and will probably eventually remind you what is next.  Try hard to stick to the rules you set.  If you say two books only, stick to it.  If you say that time has run out (except for when you begin a new routine and they are getting used to the structure) and there is no time to read (or do the chosen activity), encourage them to remember that tomorrow is another chance to follow the routine and get what they want.

When you find yourself losing your patience, remember that this is new to them and VERY good for them to know. Deep breath and remember that teaching is not always easy when the students are young and not paying attention! Stick to it.

They will learn that routines are important; and that Mommy follows the rules and will help us learn to follow them too. And bedtime will, on most nights, be a quiet time to be together.

Do you have a question to ask Granny? Send your questions to info@parentingmattersfl.org